Breast cancer adds many new words and phrases to your vocabulary. Sentinel node. Radiation therapy. Adriamyacin and Cytoxin. Tumor bed. Chemo brain. Hair loss. Accepting help.
When I was sixteen, my mother died of breast cancer about a year after her diagnosis. For me, it was not a matter of if I would develop breast cancer, but when. I was diagnosed in January 2005 and I was devastated. I thought that treatment for breast cancer was still as it was in 1973 ~ drastic and ineffective (as my mother’s radical mastectomy was). Almost five years later, I have completely changed my opinion.
I had a lumpectomy, chemo, and herceptin therapy. In April 2007 I had a recurrence of the cancer. Thanks to many people – my oncologist, the nurses at Gonda 10, my family, my generous and kind friends and support group – I am (as the sign in Gonda 10 reads) – I am not dying of cancer, but living with it. I know I will have breast cancer until the end of my life. I have metastasis to my brain, sternum and liver. Yet I am able to work full time, be involved in several causes that are important to me, and help my family. I also continue to enjoy my passions ~ I’m a Dave Matthews Band groupie. My girlfriends and I attended four of their concerts last summer (I’ve attended 21 in all!) and look forward to more next summer. All of this is possible because of the treatment I receive, my amazing support group, and probably, also, my stubbornness.
So back to accepting help. I had a very hard time realizing that I could not fight breast cancer on my own. I have always been self-sufficient, capable, organized, in control of my life. It is so hard to accept that I am not in control of this illness. People want to do something to help. After many episodes of being stubborn and self-centered and declining that help, I realized that I (we ~ my family) could not do everything alone. I learned to accept help. I have had help with meals, housecleaning, transportation, yard work, and many other chores. It was very hard to give up control and allow someone to do these things for me. But it didn’t take long for me to feel the difference in my stress level and my energy as others supported me in these practical ways. Everything turned out so well.
Everyone I knew or met since my journey began has weighed in on the situation. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts, prayers, and good wishes. I know everyone has my best interest at heart. Yet, there are days when I just want to have a pity party and feel sorry for myself. And that’s completely OK as long as it’s for a limited time. When someone says “be strong” or “stay strong” they are trying to keep me going. But there are days when I am tired of “being strong” and just want to stay in bed and sleep and try to forget what’s really going on. That’s my reality and that’s OK, too.
What I have discovered in the last five years, and what I would recommend to other survivors, is to be true to yourself. Find what you need to keep your life going and live as fully as you can. It doesn’t matter if other people think you’re a hero or not. What matters is how you feel about yourself as you go through the journey of breast cancer. For me, work has been a huge factor in helping me be “normal” ~ not a cancer survivor. There I’m the resource person, the expert; work takes me away from the cancer. My family and friends also help me to be the person that I have always been. Just remember, you never need to be alone on this journey.
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When I was sixteen, my mother died of breast cancer about a year after her diagnosis. For me, it was not a matter of if I would develop breast cancer, but when. I was diagnosed in January 2005 and I was devastated. I thought that treatment for breast cancer was still as it was in 1973 ~ drastic and ineffective (as my mother’s radical mastectomy was). Almost five years later, I have completely changed my opinion.
I had a lumpectomy, chemo, and herceptin therapy. In April 2007 I had a recurrence of the cancer. Thanks to many people – my oncologist, the nurses at Gonda 10, my family, my generous and kind friends and support group – I am (as the sign in Gonda 10 reads) – I am not dying of cancer, but living with it. I know I will have breast cancer until the end of my life. I have metastasis to my brain, sternum and liver. Yet I am able to work full time, be involved in several causes that are important to me, and help my family. I also continue to enjoy my passions ~ I’m a Dave Matthews Band groupie. My girlfriends and I attended four of their concerts last summer (I’ve attended 21 in all!) and look forward to more next summer. All of this is possible because of the treatment I receive, my amazing support group, and probably, also, my stubbornness.
So back to accepting help. I had a very hard time realizing that I could not fight breast cancer on my own. I have always been self-sufficient, capable, organized, in control of my life. It is so hard to accept that I am not in control of this illness. People want to do something to help. After many episodes of being stubborn and self-centered and declining that help, I realized that I (we ~ my family) could not do everything alone. I learned to accept help. I have had help with meals, housecleaning, transportation, yard work, and many other chores. It was very hard to give up control and allow someone to do these things for me. But it didn’t take long for me to feel the difference in my stress level and my energy as others supported me in these practical ways. Everything turned out so well.
Everyone I knew or met since my journey began has weighed in on the situation. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts, prayers, and good wishes. I know everyone has my best interest at heart. Yet, there are days when I just want to have a pity party and feel sorry for myself. And that’s completely OK as long as it’s for a limited time. When someone says “be strong” or “stay strong” they are trying to keep me going. But there are days when I am tired of “being strong” and just want to stay in bed and sleep and try to forget what’s really going on. That’s my reality and that’s OK, too.
What I have discovered in the last five years, and what I would recommend to other survivors, is to be true to yourself. Find what you need to keep your life going and live as fully as you can. It doesn’t matter if other people think you’re a hero or not. What matters is how you feel about yourself as you go through the journey of breast cancer. For me, work has been a huge factor in helping me be “normal” ~ not a cancer survivor. There I’m the resource person, the expert; work takes me away from the cancer. My family and friends also help me to be the person that I have always been. Just remember, you never need to be alone on this journey.
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